Shivers [aka: THEY CAME FROM WITHIN]

Oh. My god.

I saw it. It sort of blew my mind. This director that I had appreciated, nay, ADMIRED throughout most of my teenage years, all the way through to my early twenties, had films I had not seen. I was warned not to see Shivers for a variety of reasons, but I decided, No! I had to see this. I'd seen nearly everything else! I was determined to see Crash! And-- and--

And then I saw it.

I will sum it up for you:

See! The most white-bread colony of yuppies you will ever see ever! This is so Canada! There might be black people! But they're usually in the basement so don't worry about that!

*fat bastard kills girlfriend, pours acid in her Y incision, SEE LOTS OF PANTIES! kills self, all while naked, it's totally epic and completely unnecessary*
Fat Bastard's Assistant: Parasites can replace organs! Feel bad for me I will soon have mobile penises crawling all over my face. :[
Lead Character: I don't show up until halfway through the film! ...You can't understand what I say num num num num num.
Fat Bastard's Assistant: TOSS ME THAT-- wait no that pickle is used. :[ why am i saying these things
*more panties! oh my god it's a fat lady D:*
Random Guy: *barfing noises*
Random Girlfriend: DID YOU SAY SOMETHING?
Random Guy: MAKE LUV TO MEE *throws up everywhere, seriously*
*what the hell is going on!!!!*
Fat Lady: i'm hungry. I'm hungry for luuuv. AH'M HUNGREH FOR LUUUV. [ACTUAL LINE IN THE MOVIE, also it's now my ringtone because me and sam could not stop laughing at it]
*everyone in the goddamn apartment building is just raping the shit out of each other and barfing penises, i swear to god i am not making this up*
Parasite: :o :o :o
Lead Character: num num num num young ladies num num num
*nurse girlfriend of lead, apparently doctor character gets naked for no reason as fat bastard's assistant says something about parasite sex and parasite-induced rapist syndrome or something I AM GOING TO START DRINKING HEAVILY NOW*
Fat Bastard's Assistant: Yeah, mobile penises. All over my face. This is awesome.
*some weird garage scene or something I don't know*
Lead Character: num num num
*!!SHIT GOES CRAZY!!*
*token black guy dies*
*EVERYONE RAPES EVERYONE, parasites everywhere*
*WHY ARE THERE LITTLE GIRLS ON LEASHES??! okay sorry going back upstairs now num num*
Gay Men in Hallway: Speedos... are apparently an ominous indicator of sexual preference when paired with a fluffy mustache. We are the most polite of all your potential rapists. We at least knock on your door and ask you to go to night clubs.
*some weird guy molesting his daughter and then, okay! so the naked [infected] girls in the pool were kinda fun to look at, arguably the BEST PART IN THE MOVIE, but the lead character just kind of runs screaming*
Everyone On Planet Canada: Sex him. Sex him 'til he yells.
*they do*
Lead Character: num num num num I guess I rape people now.

THE END.

Now you don't have to see it. I took the brunt of that one for you.

You're welcome.